Sorry, this seat is taken.

I travel by bus. Not in itself blog-worthy, I know, but if you throw in the fact that 99% of my fellow passengers annoy me, then we have something to work with.

In particular, I am annoyed by those who choose to sit next to me. So, if you ever climb aboard a bus and see me seated comfortably, with an empty seat beside me, please be so kind as to consider the following questions before opting to take that empty seat.

(Please note: this is an abbreviated list!)

  1. Are there ANY other seats available, even if it’s only one of the crappy sideways ones?
  2. Do either of us have two or more bags (including handbag or equivalent)?
  3. Do you have pointy elbows?
  4. Are you fidgety or twitchy?
  5. Will it take you more than one second to settle?
  6. Do you stink?
  7. Could you easily take up both seats if I wasn’t already here?
  8. Are you infected with anything contagious?
  9. Is your stop after mine or, if we share a stop, will you wait until the last minute to stand up?
  10. Will I have to move either myself or my stuff as a result of you sitting next to me?

If you answer “yes” to any of the questions then please, I beg of you, choose another seat. No, seriously, move on. Otherwise I will be sending the worst of telepathic vibes your way.

And before you all get on your high horses, let me offer the following disclaimers:

  1. Point 7 is only an issue because I fill my half of the pair. There is no spare room on my side.
  2. Yes, on occasion, I have to be that person who plonks myself down next to someone already seated but only after point 1 has been given a negative response.

So the gist is: do NOT sit next to me on a bus (unless we know each other and boarded together [and even then only under certain circumstances]).

Now can you move, please? This is my stop.

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2 thoughts on “Sorry, this seat is taken.

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